Torn between them

U knw wut is like being torn between 2 guys? Its so hard....I dunno wut to do..i dunno who i love. J make me shed tears, i tot i hv no more tears left........S makes me fly....who.....i rily dunno.

J gives me wutever i want, wutever i wish for, he works so hard to archieve dat, to make me smile, juz to see me laugh. S does things he had never done b4, he try his best to make me happy. I've got to be the luckiest gal alive...yet y am i in complete misery...torn between them to see bth of them being sad.....i rily dunno wut to do....

Falling in out of love

I'm still with him.........he's hardly ard now, overseas doing his own business....but then i met someone here.

I never knw the feeling of being swept up ur feet, but S managed to do it. Not in the beginning...but slowly slowly gradually...he managed to do dat. In the beginning, (its his first relationship) he didnt do much cos he doesnt knw wut to do...but then he bcame sweeter n sweeter, not like some guys who in the beginning wuld treat u so nice n so sweetly...but as time goes on, he change. But S don't do dat, he treats me better n better everytime i see him. He wanted to surprise me by dropping by my office but i was abt to finish then, so he didnt get to see my office. Then yesterday, my manager kept pestering me to ask him to get some food for us as we were doing overtime. and he did so willingly, in fact he had even offered to get some food for us earlier on, but i had declined..even ask him to go home n wait for my call as i didnt knw wut time I'll be off. So when i smsed him to get some food, he did so willingly, even though my office is way out of the way. He didnt ask for $ back n wutsoever. He's so sweet. I mean wuts sweet n wuts romantic? Do giving u flowers means he's sweet ? do bringing u to candlelight dinner means he's romantic? I guess its all in the heart i guess. The actions taken...n how u see it. It's one of the sweetest n most romantic gestures i had ever received. Yah...guys had brought me to candlelight dinner b4, I had received flowers many times. So wut?....Its the trouble he had taken, Just to see u smile. He was even prepared to wait for me in the office til i finish work...even offered to help...i mean how sweet is dat? To many ppl it may seemed so common...so ordinary...but to me its not. Its he offering to help me, to lighten my workload, to spend time w me, to know me, my life, and most of all just to be there w me....dun u agree?

Everyday it seemed I felt like I'm being swept up....higher n higher....he;s perfect in every sense of the word. I never tot dat someone like him exist....

Its bn a long time

Its bn a while hasn't it?
bn rily bzz.......w everything..life just go on.

I met an online fren the other day. He's nice but abit too quiet those kind of ppl whom u asked qnes..but never get asked back. We tok frequently online...smses each other frequently...

But u knw something? meeting an online fren is so diff....Bth of u tok comfortably online, smses each other frequently..u wuld hv tot dat bth of u hv lotsa of things to tok abt. But frm past exp i had learnt its not true..most of the time the meetings r pretty awkward. Its like bth of u knw alot abt each other...but then nothing as well. Its quiet...n i had to rack my brains to think of how to carry on the conversation...but it takes two hands to clap.U knw meeting online frens...unless those u had seen each other picts, knwn each other for yrs, mite be a diff case.feels like those match making meetings...if bth of u dun contact anymore..u knw bth of u r not interested in each other if in the first place u had gone to meeting each other w a romantic intent...

But meeting with frens can be rather awkward..soemtimes u end up w nothing to say...like the mysterious element is gone..unless bth of u hv tons of something in common.

This is only my personal opinion..it mite or may not apply to others

Casino

The very very hot debate topic now in Singapore. The casino affair.

Yeah i agree we do need casino in Singapore, i mean come on. if something innovative dun come up soon, wut r we gona to survive on. Casino is not creative at all, but at least its a money maker. oh yeah , the social ills. Gambling addicts etc etc, Even if singapore dun open a casino, those addicts in s'pore still get their fix in genting.

Anywayz, its more of ur self control. If u wanna say dat having a casino will increase addicts, oh yeah. Cant u even control ur own self??!!! We r humans not animals, the difference? we can think and rationalise our very own actions, while animals act by instinct. When u become a gambling addict and esp start falling into debts, pls lor if u dunwan to think for urself, think of the ppl ard u. U r being godddam selfish. Ur family is going to suffer for u. Go ahead if u wan dat. Nothing is good or bad for us, its a matter of urself. How u use it, will determine if its bad or good. Dats the fact. Everything is a double edge sword. Even casino fall into this area. Gambling can be a form of entertainment for u, but if u fall too hard, it'll kill u. Oh yeah, ppl always think dat they can control themselves. Do u really think so? Just one more...just abit more....I'll get it all back...do u really think so? If u can lose...wut makes u think u cant lose more? Oh yeah if the table open ur number and u dun put...U lose...BUT WUT IF IT DUN OPEN??!!! u r goin to wait for the next round? if it dun again? the next? but if it does? will u just stop there? i gambled b4, i knw how it feels. But I didn't become an addict. I set myself a limit. Whoever dat read this and wish to gamble pls stick to dat limit. Even though its hard. Just stick to it. if i reach dat limit, i usually just walk away and refused to look at the results. Wuts the use? more regrets and longings? It can be pretty hard.

HOwever, the best form of gambling? With frens. Using five and ten cts. HAH...it was fun and hilarious. In the end, whoever won had to buy coffee for everyone. Isn't any form of entertainment shld be fun? Gambling is a form of entertainment too. It shld be fun...not a form of money making scheme or even start to stress u out isn't it?

Drappy clothes n cute guys

Why is it when u wear drappy clothings...those kinds of clothes u wear when u dun feel like giving a dam of how u look, cos u r just too tired, too sleepy, or too cant- be bothered...and somehow..during the day...U'll meet some cute guys...!!!

It doesn't happen once or twice...but too many a times. ARRGGHHH..i mean seriously r drappy cothing a sign for those cute guys to come out? ARGH!...I mean u cant always be in ur perfect self every single day!...there r bad hair days(like today), cant-be bothered days(like today again), and i get to meet...not one but several cute guys! I mean how can i be so dam lucky...meaning my personality hv to do the trick....YEAH RITE...first impression counts man. hah. No i'm not saying guys r superficial...but they CAN be at times. But come on..during first impression,..its not ur personality or ur charms..but u physical appearance which counts..as bth of u develop into a relationship..for example friendship..then personality and all dat inner beauty comes into play..dun u agree? I'm not saying inner beauty is not impt...nor do one hv to be really beautiful. but at least an acceptable rite? loose clothings, weird jeans, oily hair doesn't count as much of a passing rate...oh and weird smells too...(HEY I DUN STINK), its just dat i work in the lab, which means i carry on me, solvents, and other weird smells on me...if i do...hopefully i dun anywayz...but I dun wish to lie to myself..i mean who knws...we r all used to the smell already...hahaha..perfume?...sometimes u really dun wan the smells to mix..something worse mite emit out...*yweuks*

Anywayz, as i was saying...y when one is wearing drappy clothings...do cute guys come out of their hiding holes..maybe its just me..hahah..Hey its an effort to dress up everyday u knw..plus there's a limit considering i work in the lab, no makeup better no perfume...no nice lil skirts or pants..cos u r afraid stains will get to it...hence u wear those kind of clothing which u dun mind getting stainned...hmm..maybe its me. hah. Change of clothes..forget it..Its a bother to change and go home..haha. Lazy yeah. Plus i hv to get up SOOO early everyday...okok..I'm a nite animal...which kinda sucks when i work during office hrs...hard to get my engine started for work..not to tok abt dressing up...

ok conclusion....its just moi...=P

Long time and CNY

Its Chinese new yr in a couple of days....Luckily i hv the CNY's eve off, so it kinda of pretty relaxing yet sucky this week. Sucky cos i hv to work one day then off the rest.then work again then off again..hahaha...shld get the whole week off rite?

Anywayz, its been quite a while sine i last wrote. Things been pretty smoothing sailing for far.Workload had lightened..then got heavier...but doable.heh.

J...I hv decided to forget abt him. Though i think abt him once in a while...but its no use...he never calls me or contact me anymore...I shldn't think abt it anywayz. If I'm really impt to him, then he'll call me rite? cos he'll think abt me. Anywayz, its hard but I hv decided to let things go anywayz. I told Ni abt him. He took it pretty fine. He hugged me n say he loves me. So i shld cherish wut i hv...and not the had-been. I mean seriously..where can u get a understanding guy like him?

CNY is coming, bth sides of the parents r goin to meet..am I mentally and emotionally prepared?? i hv no idea....do i knw wut I'm getting myself into.yes...To spend the rest of my life w him...I guess its better to b with someone who loves u more than u love him isn't it? But then i knw...even if J shld come back to me...I'll never go back to him. Cos Ni means too much to me. He had given me and still giving me wutever he culd. Maybe its becos he does things for me dats y i'm with him..maybe it is so...but I knw this...my heart softens whenever i see his hurt expression, his non-stop laughter, and his loving gaze. Dat at the very least i knw

Exes

Johnson haven't called me for a long time. Dunno y. Its so not him. Has his interest in me died? sometimes i dunno if its my ego or wut. I feel disappointed i guess when i think dat he's no longer interested in me. He has a gf and she knws all abt me, she's pretty jealous. I duno wut I'm trying to do..break up his and mine? I just called him..i dun even knw y...maybe its my ego...trying to see if he has feelings...if not too bad then..i feel pretty disappointed...
ESSH..i shld really stop dis kind of things. Tommy is rite...i sh;dn't let nini go. ni did so much for me. He gave up everything everything just to be w me...give up having a more comfortabl;e, better lifestyle, and came w me alone. Even though he's stressed up and all dat, he never take home his troubles home. He would never tk it out on me, instead he has to bear the brute of my stress. He's really sweet,....how culd i do this to hurt him. I hv to forget abt johnson and everyone, my days of flirting and teasing is over..I'm serious..i hv to stop. I cant hurt ni...I cannot do so...Everytime he looks at me w his emotions-filled eyes, i just soften....i cannot hurt him. Pls help me...I NEED TO STOP